Temporary hiatus...no internet hooked up...using jeremy's phone to type this...be back up soon hopefully

Tired, crabby and hungry...what a lovely combination

Crabby, crabby today. I know why, but I won't give too much detail other than it's, at the risk of being cliche, that time of the month. I get easily irked, can cry over the weirdest things and the worst part, when trying to make a healthy, lifestyle change...I feel the need to eat...EVERYTHING! I would love to run to cub and get a couple of pints of Hagen Daaz coffee or butter pecan ice cream, or maybe hit up byerly's for a sara lee coffee cake that I can house in one sitting. That is how scary my food issues have become (or how they really have always been). I know which stores regularly carry my binge foods and I know which ones do not ever carry them.
I will deny that urge. I know that it isn't conducive to success in the long run to deprive myself, but I also know that once I sit down with a bag of chips and some dip I cannot stop until both are gone...licked clean basically. Really embarrassing confession time: I will admit that I will pour bottom-of-the-bag chip crumbs into the dip container and use my fingers to finish off both...that felt both freeing and scary to admit. Scarier still, I have a ton more of those little food secrets....
I am still learning, still trying to get a concrete idea of what my triggers are and what times of day I am most vulnerable. Until I know for sure what gets me, I will not buy those favorites. I certainly still allow myself dessert, salty treats and filling meals, but I am working on moderation and finding healthier options of these foods. It is definitely a struggle for me, ESPECIALLY when I have the ol' period. So tonight, I will clean up the emotional debris of my pity party and get a good night's sleep. Good night all and thanks for reading!

Taking out the trash

Well, Day2 and I have decided to be proud of myself for posting two days in a row. I am currently taking a break from shredding the piles and piles of of paperwork that I have accumulated for over (get this)...9 years! I have bank statements, old receipts, pay stubs, car info from cars I haven't owned for over 8 years...etc. I have always known the I am not good at letting things go, emotionally or physically, but now I am facing the problem instead of ignoring it and it can only improve my situation.
This move to a new place is the first time I have really gone through my "past" and figured out what is worth saving and what is not, keeping in mind that I have moved over 7 times and finding it to be more than a bit pathetic. That $1 off coupon that expired in 2008 (I know, gross right?) is not a keeper. The pictures of family and friends I had stashed away -and subsequently forgotten about- just knowing that "I will sit down and frame/albumize (not a word, I know) these....someday", well those I am going to keep. Now I have the room to keep them organized (I can see the smirks on your faces right now).
Speaking of room....
Though I know that I won't be able to do this before the big move on Saturday, I am getting excited to start cleaning out my closet. By this I mean getting rid of all the "plus-size" garments, all those lovely articles festooned with multiple Xs, drapy and mostly black ... yeah I just CAN NOT WAIT to get rid of those. I would love to stuff those into the shredder along with that Kohls receipt from 2002 I just shoved in there, but alas, I am stuck with those Xs...for now! I am putting it out there that soon I will no longer allow those sizes to be a part of my wardrobe. I need to get rid of those security blankets...which sadly, they look a lot like blankets even though I meant that figuratively. Another way to stay accountable...
How do you stay accountable? Not just with eating, but with anything that is a struggle for you? I'm not alone right?

This time is the ticket...i gotta keep telling myself that

Here goes...

So,ok, I am not much of a writer, but after seeing the article about blogging during the weight-loss journey and its benefits and then my friend Bekah's funny and inspiring blog, I decided to take the plunge.

I've been here before (not on this blog cause I just created it) and it's not fun. In fact I have lived a good portion of my life as an overweight girl. Not just overweight, but obese. There was a short time during my college years where I was in pretty good shape and could run over 3 miles at a good clip without stopping or even slowing and that was after I would get back from step aerobics. Hard to believe, trust me, I know. Now, even the thought of that makes my knees hurt and my chest contract. Not good, not good at all.

I have also dieted before...many, many times. I have had my successes, but unfortunately they are short-lived and then Dairy Queen, McDonald's and basically any fast-food, fat-ridden, calorie-rich food calls my name and I succumb to the temptation. Turns out my willpower only lasts so long and my rationalization skills for self-destruction are second to none.

So now I need a true change. I just got married to the love of my life, am moving into a nicer apartment and want to be able to walk down a hall (any hall, large or small...ooh rhyme time!) and not get winded and sweaty. BTW I don't just get dewy, I get all out running-down-my-back-while-starting-to-chafe sweaty and that is only good when working out, which is also something I rarely do.

Jeremy and I are doing this together. I have already found I am more willing to stick to healthier changes when he is too. I mean, c'mon, watching him easily polish off a package of Golden Oreos while I eat a carrot (with a good dollop of ranch which totally defeats the purpose) doesn't make things easy, because I like Golden Oreos too :) . He has had his struggles and I don't know if it is because I am the old hand at Weight Watchers, but it helps me to stay on track when helping him to stay on track as well. He is also probably the only one who can really tell it like it is when I am trying to rationalize a binge. It is not easy for him to do because I do have a temper, but he does it and for that I owe him big...BIG!

So if you want to follow me on this journey please, please do. Like Bekah (see http://gettin-skinny-b.blogspot.com) I want this to be a community. Please share your triumphs, struggles, advice, workout and recipe ideas, or if you need a place to vent or discuss ANYTHING I would love that too! I mean, do you have some good beauty or style advice...or maybe you just went to a movie you want to talk about please feel free to use this blog as a platform. I know I can not do this alone (even though Jeremy is my rock, he's not with me all the time). I know I need a community because I have "dieted" before and you have all seen where I am now, so I am hoping you will all come along!